In Quest of My Glaring Star - Part 5
For the next 48 hours, it was just me cursing myself for agreeing to meet him. I never met anyone and now, after whatever he said, I could never back-off. So many possibilities congregated in my mind and I was struck with emotions. My birthday could not once turn this worse. I was afraid; I was confused; I felt guilty!
I pleaded my mom to bring up some fake reasons and excuses. But she only said “This was to happen anyways, Amy”
Yes, I knew. I knew that had to happen. Not like this, at least. Each time I texted Mike, it was nothing but questions like ‘What if you don’t like the colour of my eyes? What if you don’t like how I behave in public? What if my looks disappoint you?’ Though I knew what really would happen, I needed to hear a different one for then.
“Amy, will you please stop this nonsense! We are going to meet tomorrow. At park, 10 AM. Period. Good night” he hung up.
And the next few hours I tossed on my bed imagining every thinkable breakup scene, all kind of embarrassment in public and the sympathies I would earn, the bullies I had to face and finally I forgot how I dozed off.
When I opened my eyes, the sun already dashed my window and my mom sang “Happy birthday”.
‘Yes, it’s my birthday’ I smiled and then it struck, ‘Holy shit! It is my birthday!!!’
“Mom, stop! What’s the time?” I freaked and reached for my mobile beneath the pillow. I was horrified when the screen displayed half past eight.
“Bloody fuck! Am already running late. Mom, please help me. I need to rush” I needed to hurry but when I saw my mom, I paused. She stood still near the window with her gaze completely over me. I couldn’t tell if she was shocked or pained.
“Mom?” I called out.
“Amy, what’s wrong with you? Why are you acting weird?” she raised her voice. It was the first time she did that since my accident. Unfortunately, it didn’t hurt me.
“What, Mom? I am going to meet Mike today. We are going to meet for the first time and what’s wrong that you’re angry with me? just help me to get ready” I almost screamed. Though I feared that he was going to meet me, I was excited that I was going to meet him. My train of thoughts was clogged when my mom almost yelled at me.
“Stop it, Amy! What are you excited about? You know you are going to get hurt. You can’t even be sure how he will react on seeing at your physical state. For god’s sake open your eyes and see it for yourself, Amy” she said it in a ho and her words hammered against my chest.
“What did you just… Mom?” I sensed the heat of tears rolling across my cheek, streaming down my lips. I tasted the salt when sob picked on me.
“Amy! Am… am sorry! I didn’t mean to… oh my God, what did I?” she slapped her hands against the mouth. I couldn’t hear whatever she said. I wasn’t ready to hear whatever she had to tell.
“Can you please help me to the bathroom” I nearly mumbled.
Neither of us said another word. I knew she didn’t mean it but the truth was unbearable. Each word of her held the truth. Even though I was excited about having someone, witnessing my mom’s happiness, the feel of meeting a person who destined much, who bought the lost light back into my life… all these feelings were buried by the truth. When my own mother mentioned my weakness, it was the last thing I wanted to hear. The truth had hit me so hard and I couldn’t digest but I knew I had to and I didn’t want to cry.
After a silent bath with loud mind, I opened the door and saw a beautiful red satin long gown lying on my bed. I took the dress in my hands and predicted the familiarity. It was the same dress my dad presented me five years ago on my birthday. My mom had skilfully altered by attaching some clothes to it and making it more beautiful. What I couldn’t get was why did she wanted me to wear the dress this day? If it was a blessing to remember that beautiful day or a curse to remind my current state, I don’t know. I didn’t want her to upset more so I decided to put the dress on me.
It fitted me perfectly, clenching through my curves. I appreciated the way the end of gown lingered on the floor; it would at the least not make my immobile legs so obvious. I touched my lips with a shade of red and left my hair hung to my shoulder. I turned away from the mirror and saw my mom standing at the doorstep.
My mind was blank and calm all through the process and way to the park. I felt a pit raising in my stomach yet my mind warned nothing about it. Not a single thought of Mike crossed my mind.
It was around 9:45 AM when we reached the park and my mom rolled my chair near the lake. The fresh cold breeze imprisoned something. I couldn’t guess if I should intake the freshness or the coldness. my mom came and stood beside me. She looked calm yet her eyes spoke different. Abruptly she placed her hand on my head; I looked up at her as she looked away.
“I loved your father selflessly and I thought he reciprocated the same. I always believed he loved you more than I did and then came the bad times and he left with my hopes shattered. I was broken when he abandoned us. But I didn’t get lost. I didn’t want to show my pain to you. Instead I chose to rise you up and truly wished you should find a man who will love you the way a lover does, care you the way a husband does and protect you the way a father does” she paused and looked at me.
“I do not know if Mike is the right one for you. If he is, I will be more than happy. But if not, then know that, I will never feel sorry. I will never feel sorry that he has left you and I will never feel sorry that you will have to depend on me.” she sighed and my eyes welled up with tears.
“Amy, I know this day means a lot for you and more than that, I have pushed you into this. Just remember, at the end of the day, am still your mother and I will love you. And you have to face and accept whatever the day has got for you” she kissed my forehead and left me alone battle with my thoughts.
Suddenly my whole body tensed and I was aware of the situation. My nerves twitched with each passing second and my mind then started to send signals.
‘She is right. But you can’t meet Mike. You know he is going to say a ‘No’ and that will crack your heart’ my inner soul pleaded. Without a second thought, I grabbed the wheel and tried to turn around but then my mobile vibrated; of course, it was Michael and the whole world came to still.
I hesitated to attend the call but I had to. All the excitement I was holding earlier turned into a dangerous fear. I clutched my mobile tight’ let out a deep breath before I answered his call.
“Uh, hello?” my throat went dry.
“Hey Amy! Am already at the park. Where are you, babe?” his charming voice crushed my soul.
‘OMG Mike! Don’t make this difficult for me’
“Huh, Mike. Actually, I thought, like… why don’t we… meet some other day?” I pressed my lips tight and circled my fingers against my forehead. I badly prayed to hear a ‘Okay’ from him.
“Amy, wait! Is that you in red gown sitting near the lake?? Huh… in a… wheel-chair, possibly?”
His voice dropped and that was the last thing I wanted to hear from him and when his tone changed, all my hopes sank right then.
To Be Continued…