In Quest of My Glaring Star - Part 4
“Having someone for yourself is the best part of your life. But then, when the chances of losing them is obvious in front of your eyes, then it’s… it’s…” I heard him sigh.
I was almost stung by his words and feelings, which were so relatable. He told that when he shared about his family. Michael lived alone. His parents were divorced when he was young and probably they were dating someone else. Though they both loved him much, the growing misunderstanding between them led to fights and at the end, Michael alone. They couldn’t let him suffer and they kept sending him money nevertheless he insisted not to.
Michael said all about himself and his life after a month when our phone calls frequented. His genuineness frightened me more because I hid a huge truth from him and kept buried within me. I didn’t want to convince him, instead I wanted him to know the truth.
“Huh Mike! I just thought, you know… I need to tell something” I started.
“Yes Amy, tell me”
“Well, after you have shared everything, I felt like tell…” but before I could complete he interrupted.
“Amy, hold on. Something important has come up. I’ll call you later” he hung up and left my hope sinking again.
‘Maybe today is not the day’ I bit my lip and lied back.
Thinking about Michael became my new favourite pastime. With our called frequented lately, we shared everything starting from ‘How is your day going?’ to ‘Am kind of feeling sleepy!’. And each day I cooked up a story to lie how wonderful my day was and that became a part of my routine now. I had talked to few guys before; none of them made me want to hide the truth this badly. I had that feeling in my stomach with all those guys but Michael was the one who made me feel in my heart. My mind failed to function when I talked with him; it was all my heart that raced in a crazy speed. We knew that something strong was brewing between us. We could sense it and sometimes it became so obvious. There was something about Michael that pulled me towards him and I didn’t dare to lose that effect. But for how long? The answer again frightened me.
“You can’t hide it for long time, Amy” my mom said almost every other day, to see my sheepish grin wipe off after the reality had hit me.
With others, I knew I would at the least compose myself but with Michael, I could be scattered with his departure. I dreamt more of me crumbled in bed with pillows bearing my tears than of loved by him and stroking his hair.
I really tried to say everything for twice or thrice but each time something would abruptly come up and we had to hung up. At one point. I made my mind that it wasn’t meant to be shared right then.
It was on my mom’s birthday when Michael told me that he wanted to talk to her. I hesitated at first because he didn’t know me better and I didn’t know how my mom would react, yet, I handed her the phone. I never did this before.
“Mom, Mike is on the other side. He wanted to wish you” I mumbled, tried to be casual but saw her brows raise.
“Just… talk” I whispered.
After a good long minute, without breaking the confused cold stare on me, she took the phone from my hand.
“Hello?” she of course couldn’t use her so-friendly tone. After all, Michael didn’t know me yet.
“Oh, thank you Michael. Amy has said a lot about you! Am so glad that you called” She kept the conversation going or I thought so. Anyways, I couldn’t hear the other side.
Meanwhile Mrs. Walker called the landline and I had to pick-up. It was after full fifteen minutes hearing about the get-together in the evening and all those I-have-a-picture-perfect-family, she let me hung up the call.
“Mom, how do you even possibly meet Mrs. Walker every week knowing she is gonna say nothing but her ‘perfect family’? Geez!” I let out a frustrated sigh.
I noticed her sitting at the dining and held a serious look on her face. ‘Oh shit! Mike!’ I completely forgot about the call.
“Huh Mom, Everything… ok?” I wheeled my chair near her.
“Amy! Michael really likes you. I just need you to…”
“Mom, I know. I will tell him. Everything. On my birthday. Two days” I snapped and wheeled around but she stopped me.
“On your birthday?” her eyes welled up with tears.
“Yeah mom. Either I will celebrate my birthday with Mike or I will have to celebrate it alone, for all the upcoming years. You remember what you said right? You won’t compel me anymore?” my cheeks turned red. And I knew, one more minute and I would burst into tears.
“Oh, Amy!!” she clasped my hand, “I really hope everything goes well. In spite of everything, I need you to be happy and whatever may happen, I am here for you” she said and wiped her tears.
Few of our neighbours visited our home for the dinner; it had two main reasons: one, my mom was extremely friendly with them, of course to check on me at times and secondly, they all knew I had my birthday followed by my mom’s.
Each time I would be happy to look forward, after all, it was my birthday but that year, it actually pained me. ‘Amy, you’re going to lose another person. But this time, this person is sure to give you an epic heartbreak. Brace yourself, darling’ I mocked at my own thought and retired to bed with party still on. My mom helped me to bed and went back to party, while I went online.
Mike: “Amy!! Awake?”
I had to smile.
Me: Yeah, party is still on.
I sent and he called straightaway.
“Hey” I kept my voice up.
“Whoa! Look who’s awake at this hour?” he said and I sensed him smile.
“Haha, I know! So, what were you talking to my mom lately? She seemed to agree that you’re a good guy” I really was curious to know what they talked.
“Wow! That’s a huge appraisal to get from your future in-law” he laughed but as soon as it hit him he said, “Just kidding” and it was my turn to laugh along, though we both wished it wasn't just kidding.
We talked for the next few minutes about our day and when we were about to hung up he paused.
“Amy, hold on. I just wanted to ask you something” His voice sounded tensed.
“What’s it Mike?” I was nervous.
“It’s your birthday in two days, right?” My stomach flinched at his question.
“Huh, yeah?” My voice trembled. I already felt something huge was coming.
“I just thought if I could meet you for real. Of course, day time! Just for few hours, on your birthday. I just thought if we could celebrate it. Will that be ok, Amy?” He said it in a go.
“Wait… no… no, no way”
‘I couldn’t do that. How can I let him meet? On my birthday? On the day I wanted to ruin everything. I could never make it that complicated’.
“Amy, please. Am asking something for the first time. Can’t you do it for me?” he requested with his deep voice almost turning husky.
“Oh, my holy pregnant cow! No, stop it. I just have plans… you know, my friends, neighbours...”
“Friends? Neighbours? Are you kidding me, Amy? Ok, in that case I shall ask your mom. She is sweet and she will agree for sure.” He wasn’t going to let it go.
“Mike, no… I just, can’t. Why? Now?” I couldn’t let it happen. My hands trembled as my nerves tensed.
“Just answer me one thing. Did you ever regret talking to me, Amy?” he asked and waited for me to respond.
“No, Mike” I had to be genuine.
“Then I promise, you never gonna regret our meeting too” he said. He never asked the reason, he never questioned me anything, but he just promised me this.
‘But you may regret, Mike’ I thought.
“Shall we meet, Amy?” he asked.
‘If this was meant to end this way then…’ I sighed before I answered “Okay”.
To be continued…