Dear Augustus...
Dear
Augustus…
Sitting
on the edge of the roof top, the lights around me are blinding my eyes while
the stars of the night sky simply blinks as if it discerns my pain. And my
blurry vision isn’t looking at neither of these, but the little fluorescent
light that flickers at the end near the staircase, which constantly reminds me
of your life in this universe; your life with me. My legs are moving carelessly
1600ft above from the ground and I want the tears that tickle from my eyes shall
tempt my feet to taste the ground. I have surrendered my body in the rough
hands of the cold air; the glass filled with the champagne sits untouched next to
me, with their sparkles teasing my numb and heavy heart. Everything about my
life without you scares me. The odds of not waking up next to you, no more of
your fingers to fill the gap of mine, no more of your hugs to soothe my pain,
no more of your smell in my clothes, no more of your kisses lingering on my
skin, no more of sleeping in your arms, no more of you… All I will have is your
voice running in my mind and my heart stupidly wishing for your presence as I
come back to the empty house!
Am
afraid that someday, even my emotions will give up on me. The possibility of
not being able to feel the pain of your absence, shudders me. Because, only you
know, it is you who brought all kind of emotions into my life; when my heart
has been nothing but a wasteland, you sowed love and protected the flowers that
has blossomed out of your love; it is you who found me in the darkest depth of
my sorrow and lit the light to show me a way out of it. With you gone,
knowingly or unknowingly, you are going to kill the flowers.
I’ve
never imagined that one day I will be penning a letter like this. It’s been a
long time since my words have been addressed to a person. But then, every
single thing that happened in the recent times has been unimaginable. How much
I wish all these to be a nightmare; how much I wish to wake from this; how much
I wish you to comfort me in your arms… Now, all I can do is write…
My
cursive letters are often disturbed by the tear drops which constantly drips
onto the paper. But you deserve every word of mine as you own every part of me.
You crafted my life like a sculptor turning a useless rock into an exquisite
piece of art. Each second of our togetherness is etched in my memory which I
will carry until my deathbed.
Yet,
I feel pained that I haven’t shared enough with you and will not be able to
share anymore… I don’t want my side of the story to be left untold… which, I
now want to write in series of letters for two reasons: one, I have nothing
better to give you than my words and two, there is nothing else that will make
me remember each second of the past ten years with you. So, let the world read
and with them reading, let me remind myself that the end of our togetherness
and the end of you is in counting hours. The happiness that thrilled us, the
anger that broke us, the pain that connected us and the tears that bonded us is
spilled here, through my words. With this, I shall take our promise of togetherness
to eternity. We will be forever connected with these words. Let me have more of
you from now.
With Love,
Hazel…
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