Dear Augustus...

Dear Augustus…

Sitting on the edge of the roof top, the lights around me are blinding my eyes while the stars of the night sky simply blinks as if it discerns my pain. And my blurry vision isn’t looking at neither of these, but the little fluorescent light that flickers at the end near the staircase, which constantly reminds me of your life in this universe; your life with me. My legs are moving carelessly 1600ft above from the ground and I want the tears that tickle from my eyes shall tempt my feet to taste the ground. I have surrendered my body in the rough hands of the cold air; the glass filled with the champagne sits untouched next to me, with their sparkles teasing my numb and heavy heart. Everything about my life without you scares me. The odds of not waking up next to you, no more of your fingers to fill the gap of mine, no more of your hugs to soothe my pain, no more of your smell in my clothes, no more of your kisses lingering on my skin, no more of sleeping in your arms, no more of you… All I will have is your voice running in my mind and my heart stupidly wishing for your presence as I come back to the empty house!

Am afraid that someday, even my emotions will give up on me. The possibility of not being able to feel the pain of your absence, shudders me. Because, only you know, it is you who brought all kind of emotions into my life; when my heart has been nothing but a wasteland, you sowed love and protected the flowers that has blossomed out of your love; it is you who found me in the darkest depth of my sorrow and lit the light to show me a way out of it. With you gone, knowingly or unknowingly, you are going to kill the flowers. 

I’ve never imagined that one day I will be penning a letter like this. It’s been a long time since my words have been addressed to a person. But then, every single thing that happened in the recent times has been unimaginable. How much I wish all these to be a nightmare; how much I wish to wake from this; how much I wish you to comfort me in your arms… Now, all I can do is write…

My cursive letters are often disturbed by the tear drops which constantly drips onto the paper. But you deserve every word of mine as you own every part of me. You crafted my life like a sculptor turning a useless rock into an exquisite piece of art. Each second of our togetherness is etched in my memory which I will carry until my deathbed. 

Yet, I feel pained that I haven’t shared enough with you and will not be able to share anymore… I don’t want my side of the story to be left untold… which, I now want to write in series of letters for two reasons: one, I have nothing better to give you than my words and two, there is nothing else that will make me remember each second of the past ten years with you. So, let the world read and with them reading, let me remind myself that the end of our togetherness and the end of you is in counting hours. The happiness that thrilled us, the anger that broke us, the pain that connected us and the tears that bonded us is spilled here, through my words. With this, I shall take our promise of togetherness to eternity. We will be forever connected with these words. Let me have more of you from now.

With Love,

Hazel…